its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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