I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
