Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just want nice things and good sex
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
