How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
