Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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