yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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