Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Come on in and take your pants off
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