The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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