hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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