The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
