I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
