I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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