how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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