You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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