Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
