well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
