What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
