is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
