I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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