I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
