I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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