This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
