My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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