i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
