it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
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I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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