Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
