9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
