I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
