Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
