Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
