Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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