I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i out mim tonsoeep
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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