Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
