god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
