I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
