hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
