She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
