so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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