Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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