the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
