She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he was CRYING into my vagina
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
