don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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