my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
