So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
