Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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