I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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