why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
