do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
