i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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