no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
whose ass print is on the piano?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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