Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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