im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
