I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
