Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
