He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
