please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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