I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
