I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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