I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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