Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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