This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
