Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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