I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
