I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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