I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
