Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
