the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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