There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I pour the whiskey from now on
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
