I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
