Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
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I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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